Saturday, August 30, 2008

Tips for Hayles found in "blogland"

O.K. I was surfin' blog-land & a blog that my friend told me about (seriously so blessed) is the name ... it had a post that had me doin' the "ugly" laugh , you know the one that your pig snortin' and doing the "bitter-beer face" and only your friends and family should see you & even at times they are scared??
So Hayles , my sweetgirl , here's some dating advice for YA'LL down there at College :

Mascara, mascara, mascara. When ppl say you have tarantula eyez, it means your SO hot even a hairy spider couldn't resist! Dang!
avoid wearing sweats, BUT, if you're gonna wear sweats, MAKE SURE there is something sassy written on your bottom.
TEXT IN CHURCH. This will make you look even cuter and way less boring...if you can do this with tonz of gum, EVEN CUTER!
PUT OUT...not tonz (HAZARD IN THE HORIZONTAL!!) but definately enough that they can taste your lipsmackers, which should be either super-shiny berry or Dr. Pepper flavored. Trust me, guys HEART that.
Make SURE (DEAD SURE, canNOT emphasize this one enough) you have a darling mom. Guys scope HER out to gauge your FP so nothing personal but the two of you might want to get a buddy pass at Golds. In a pinch, borrow a friend's cute mom. Had to do this with "my boyfriend" for like three months while my mom had weird adult acne. Remember the rhyming mantras: "if I'm to find my EC,(eternal companion), it is up to me. It's not a lie if it catches the guy." Repeat thrice, preferably in the mirror with a hand on your hip. "
OK, Hayles , maybe you should be the one to start the " College Dating Boot Camp" , you could maybe even make Boot Camp Kits with mascara,Dr.pepper lipsmacker & of course I, your darling mom could be "borrowed", for a small fee of course)....(love ya , mom)


ramsam said...

SSB is the best blog ever! It totally helps you be so hot for your husband, and totally spiritual- what a great combo, right????

toodles ;-)

sean said...

Marie and the gang! I laugh so hard when I read this that I pee..but just a little...I agree on the freaky doll for McCain..something goin on there that ain't right...and my hair looks fantastic..almost just like Brad Pitt