Monday, May 18, 2009

Adoption.......LONG POST and totally just my opinion...

Many times people have said to me ..."Marie you could be on OPRAH, or Marie you should write a book...(which I just might, actually..), But most of the times they say "Marie, what do you think about ______?(fill-in-the-blank)... you have probably been through this before"... (yep, I just live a drama-filled life with lots of FUN trials!)
One question I get asked ALOT and I mean (like once-per-month)..Is how do you feel about "Open-Adoption" or "Adoption" in general...
And for "all-you-all" that don't know ...I am a "Reunion-ed-Adoptee", that sounds kinda wierd-y like I'm not American or like I need a passport to come into the country??
Well, I'm PRO adoption....don't love "open-adoption", like the kind that you see each other and know where each other live all your life...but do LOVE Open-adoption that includes pictures and letters the first year and then just pictures through the years.
The reason I say that is because, In my teenage years I would of RAN to my Bio-parents house anytime anything went wrong,LOL!!! totally NOT fair to the parents that have put up with raising you, and let me tell ya , my Mom & Dad put up with ALOT raising me!
And truly, everyone needs to LIVE their own lives..the parents that adopted and the bio-parents ...But I would of loved to have a picture of my Bio-parents growing-up, cuz' it's hard not looking like anyone in your family,it was just was a good thing I didn't have their address!!!.hahaha
I was LUCKY in the fact that I ALWAYS knew I was adopted, in fact my whole family was... and my Mom and Dad always told us that we were loved by our Birth parents, loved enough that they wanted a better life for us. We could talk about it free-ly in our home and that was awesome for those days(70's-80's)...I had a friend that wasn't told until she was 16 .....AWFUL!
Well, fast-forward...I found my Bio-Parents or as I like to call them now...Bio-FRIENDS (B-F's)... when I was 27 yrs old...LONG STORY, and BTW, totally "Oprah-Worthy". My (Bio-F'S) married not long after they had me , I think about a year, and are still married , I have 3 full-blooded siblings , 1 sister passed-away before I met her (about 18mo. before I found them)& 2 brothers.
There have been huge ups & downs with my reunion, this kind-of experience is SO emotional for ALL involved...My parents had a very hard time accepting that I found my (Bio-F's), and I respect that, as I have not walked in their shoes.
And my (Bio-F's) and my Bio-brothers had a hard time with different things and accepting me into their lives, again, I haven't had a child and or sibling show-up un-announced so I will never judge them either...
But when all is said and done, even with all the hard, emotional times ...I would do it again in a minute...
I am ALOT like my Bio-Family and that brought alot of PEACE to my life....alot....
SO, when asked this question, I always say.....
"LOVE,... LOVE is all you need ..EVERYONE in the situation needs to LOVE each other for the role each person plays or played in the life of the child that was adopted"
And if the child ever wants to find their (Bio-parents) at 18 or OLDER(maybe like 21) they should be able to...EVERYONE has a right to know where they came from....I do feel STRONGLY about that!!
It is a hard thing and a risk, some don't find what they are looking for....but it still is nice to know where you came from.
BUT, it's also O.K. NOT to find your Bio-Parents....I totally understand that too! It's SCARY!
ANYWHOOS...there you go..my PERSONAL opinion about ADOPTION, in writing......Now I can refer people to my blog when they ask this question, LOL!
My Bio-Mom right before she had me, (I know, she was TINY , but I am indeed in that tummy)My Bio-Parents at Senior-Prom ...after they had me... And right below in the next picture is where I was when they were at the prom...LOL!!:)...with my AWESOME BROTHERS....that I would of never known if not for adoption....I love my brothers SOOOOO Much , this includes you Crispy-Fur......Also, I have to add, I would of never known my grandparents whom I WORSHIP!!!...*EDIT* I totally forgot my AWESOME sister, CAROL...sorry,SIS (couldn't of made it without you)....
And this is my "Bio-Friends" & me with my "Bio-Grams" at our "reunion BBQ" ,I look like I was smoking-crack....I wasn't....maybe I should of been, I was SO nervous meeting everyone...some crack might of came in handy.....JK!!!!! One more picture of my Bio-FRIENDS.....whom I am happy to have back in my life....as FRIENDS

And this is my FAMILY.... and my Dad & Mom who raised me to be the FINE-UPSTANDING-SOMETIMES-CUSSING-BUT-MOSTLY-GOOD girl I am today......

12 comments:

Sonya said...

Perfect well said. I love everything about you.

Just Me said...

Ahhh, Marie, love you so much. Nice pictures that you posted. Look how cute you all were when you where so little!

Crispy-Fur said...

And you know I went down that bio road too. Weird huh ?

Amander said...

Very cool post. I loved hearing your thoughts on adoption!

trash talk said...

Marie, that was beautifully written. I love that there is no bitterness or acrimony in your words only understanding. You are blessed with a loving heart and your inner grace. Your parents did a wonderful job raising you to be the confident woman you are and obviously with a lot of honesty. This really touched me and I think I will print it out and keep it so if anyone asks what they should do, I can just show them this.
Debbie

susan said...

Good job,Marie..I couldn't have described the "experience" better.There have been some times of emotion through out the years ,but I think it has turned out the way it was supposed to be.
With me knowing you were alive ,healthy and loved by friends and family...and you knowing who you looked like ,and where you came from.
I am happy to be considered your friend,one of many.
I am also grateful to say you were raised well,and that you are in the world..raising beautiful,creative,loving children.
Your Biofriend,
Susan

rychelle said...

i never realized you were adopted.
very cool post.

Amy said...

You are beautiful inside and out. I love you!!

Wendyburd1 said...

I had no idea, you are so well adjusted, and amazing!! I am happy to hear that it was so free to talk about in your house, it must have really kept weight off your shoulders to know you could talk about it when you needed to!

Lou Cinda said...

This was beautifuly written! you definitely should write a book! I have a friend whose husband adopted her daughter when she was a baby. She has not told her yet and the daughter is now 15 and has no clue her "father" is not her biological father. My friend is so torn and knows she should have told her way before now. I am going to let her read this! Thanks for sharing it!

Lou Cinda :)

ramsam said...

Great post, Marie. I love the feeling of liberation when you hear some body elses great honest story.
<3

Wendyburd1 said...

MArie I have an award for you on my blog!! The Neno!