Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Little Green....



"Little Green, by Joni Mitchell"..for Susan,
(couldn't find Joni Mitchell singing it, but this girl does ok)

So, I turn 40 tommorow...and it will be fun to go and party with friends..

But at the same time this day has always been a day of sadness,wonder, un-related-ness,then happiness ,after finding Susan, my birthmom,...This day was the day I always wondered, "was she thinking of me"...even as young as 4 0r 5, I wondered, where did I come from , who do I look like, and my Birthday was the day I wondered it ALL-DAY , every minute, every hour...

My parents that raised me always talked about how grateful we were that a 16 year old girl was self-less enough to give me a better life... So I always loved her, always knew she loved me enough to want more for me...

Then I found her, when I was 26 years old...and without trying I loved her...she was the wind, she was red headed, she was a gypsy, she was an artist.....she was Susan...and I found out.... I was, Sarah, she named me at birth, before placing me. And through all of the good times and hard times...July 15th is always OURS, not just mine...because I found out she was always thinking of me, wondering where I was on that day..July 15th, all those same years....

...even when we go without speaking for years, even when we have times we don't understand one another...I share July 15 with her, the day will be ours forever....

I am your little green...thank you for giving me a life...thank you for letting me go when it was so hard...thank you for being a strong, wise 16 yr. old...cuz', look at me now.... I am HAPPY, I have 4 wonderful kids, I have had so many happy times in my life..because of the choice you made....

I hope tommorow will bring a smile to your face, because it is ALL good....and remember ALL you need is LOVE..

**Edit: I wanted to add Susan's(my birthmom's) comment to the actual post..(Susan, I LOVED every word, I've always cherished that story of you being the "rebel" so you could hold me....I will have a great time for both of us tommorow !)

"What a wonderful way to look at your birthday!! and what a sweet message to send to me...song and your words.

Oh ..that long day of your birth, I was soo scared, and all alone. Then after you were born..I snuck into the "forbidden" nursery ..and being the rebel that I was I said ,please , I wanted to see you..Well, that was NOT done! So I just camped out .. until one of the nurses said only a few minutes! Even at my young age you were beautiful,I combed your hair and held you ,and said ,goodbye...and named you Sarah Anne..because it sounded strong and good,and you are!Happy Birthday!so if you're 40.. I must be ancient! I hope you have a crazy good time celebrating..thanks for just being you..understanding stuff,and trying soo hard at all you do....so do I...

p.s.I DID think about you ,every birthday and all through out the year..all through the years, hoping you were well, happy ,had a good family ,and that sometime in the future ,if you were anything like me(which you ARE!)...you would find me ...AMAZING, Susan"

9 comments:

rychelle said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! birthday buddy. :)

Kristina P. said...

Happy early birthday!!

susan said...

What a wonderful way to look at your birthday!!
and what a sweet message to send to me...song and your words.
Oh ..that long day of your birth, I was soo scared, and all alone.
Then after you were born..I snuck into the "forbidden" nursery ..and being the rebel that I was I said ,please , I wanted to see you..
Well, that was NOT done!
So I just camped out .. until one of the nurses said only a few minutes!
Even at my young age you were beautiful,I combed your hair and held you ,and said ,goodbye...and named you Sarah Anne..because it sounded strong and good,and you are!
Happy Birthday!
so if you're 40..I must be ancient!
I hope you have a crazy good time celebrating..
thanks for just being you..understanding stuff,and trying soo hard at all you do....so do I.
Susan

susan said...

p.s.
I DID think about you ,every birthday and all through out the year..all through the years, hoping you were well, happy ,had a good family ,and that sometime in the future ,if you were anything like me(which you ARE!)...youwould find me ...AMAZING>

Wendyburd1 said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIE!! And that was a beautiful post, it made me almost cry!!

Just Me said...

Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Marie. Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday to a very special YOUNG lady. Thanks for being my sister of choice. You bring laughter and joy into my life.

May this be a special day for you and a super year! Love ya!

Crispy-Fur said...

Happy Foofbay

Karen said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to a friend, hairstylist, therapist, comedian, and a member of our big family for at least the last 21 years! WE LOVE YA! You wear 40 well :)

The Shumway Family said...

Happy Birthday Marie!! Hope you have a great day! Love ya!