Sunday, July 19, 2009

You know your hunka' loves you when....

He lets you use his shirt sleeve to wipe LARGE amounts, and by large,I mean serious amounts of mucous, snottish material, OK, you are gettin' the picture, right? On his shirt sleeve during a movie while people sitting above us were watching and probably saying to themselves...ewwwww,how gross OR, awwwww, how sweet..I thought is was awfully sweet....
We went to the movie, My sister's Keeper, and I knew it would be hard to watch for many reasons...#1) one of my BFF's passed away from Cancer, #2) I sat with one of my friends in the hospital as her 6 year old son passed away from an accident, #3) I watched my Birthmom painfully-mourn her daughter, Megan's untimely death at 19 yrs. old....all these 3 things changed my life profoundly and I didn't know if I wanted to see the movie... but something keep pushing me to see it....But what I didn't know was.... I was supposed to see this movie to wake me up to things I was over-looking...
I didn't know it would remind me that having a child with special-needs sometimes makes me FOCUS on ONE thing....HIM...
and at times I forget I have a husband, and 3 other kids that are being affected by our family's situation...and at other times I just escape...into a shell of exhaustion.
I couldn't sleep all night.. and decided that I needed to talk to the kids, to Hunka', about how I felt after watching the movie...I told each of my kids how SORRY I was that sometimes I forget about their needs, and how I forget I'm a wife, how I forget that it's hard for THEM to have a brother, a Son,..with special-needs....That YES, we are blessed to have him, WAY BLESSED, but sometimes, it's HARD...DAMN, DAMN Hard, for EVERYONE.....That sometimes all I focus on is the next treatment I am going to try to help D-RIV and how many hours out in the salon cutting hair it will take to make the money to pay for it, ( NO, insurance doesn't pay for most Autism treatment)...SUCKS!
I told them I was going to take time everyday to ask them how THEY were doing and feeling...and that I LOVED them so much for putting up with a CRAZY-MOM trying to save D-RIV from AUTISM.....And how AWESOME they were as sisters and how special Rayce was to be D-Riv's twin, how great Hunka' was as a DAD... and how wonderful they all were to him, D-Riv is so blessed to have them as siblings.....
I was supposed to go to that movie...I am so grateful for life WAKE-UPS...even if they come at a movie theater and you have to use your hunka's sleeve as a tissue :) Life.....everyday.... you learn something....thank goodness ...
This is "The-Boy" trying to get his mouth to smile, (this is part of his disability, DYSPRAXIA, it's hard to make your body do what you want it to do)....SO DAMN Cute...huh?

5 comments:

Wendyburd1 said...

Awww this is so sweet! I am afraid to go to that movie because I know what happens and I think I'd lose it. I think it is great though that it was a sign for you and you told your family what they mean to you, etc. How did they take it? Was it, wow Mom has gone off her rocker, or was it, okay I can accept why things have been as they are?? I hope they just thought you off you rocker, because I don't see you as being anything other than a loving mom!

Crispy-Fur said...

One of your most, bestest, heartfelt blogs you've ever written, it just makes me want to cry.
you rock !

susan said...

I am proud of your honest heart..always share it with your family..
love is hard sometimes ....but put it out there for them to feel..never give up..
you'll never regret telling the truth..
your growing ..and you only been 40 a few days ..WOW

rychelle said...

i seriously don't think i'll be able to go see that movie. i hate crying in public. (and i don't have a hunka to blow my nose on).

you are a great mom and wife and friend. i can just sense these things. ;)

Just Me said...

As always Marie, you show such great strength. Love is in abundance in the way you live your life. You have a special family!