Thursday, April 11, 2013

The end of mourning...

...We ran wild and all we ever wanted was to rule the world between our house and school.

I took these pictures of myself after Stephanie died, one is just hours after it all happened and one of them was taken as I was getting ready to go speak at her funeral.
I guess in some way I wanted to see if I looked like I felt inside...broken, lost, shocked...in denial.
I've felt true heartache a couple times in my life..and I've had life changing things happen, (Autism is no walk in the park).. so in some ways this wasn't a new feeling. But still, it was losing her, my one true thing. My lifelong best friend, my heart was so completely broken.
Today, the 11th of April starts the count down to the end of my mourning.
May 11th at 1:03 will be a year since my life changed forever.
And it will be time to move on, shake off the black veil, and let the sunshine in through these cracks in my heart.
I will probably never go a single day without thinking of her, having something remind me of her, want/need to hear her laugh, want to call her, want to just go on a drive with her, share a lifes milestone with her...
But I will go on...The tears need to dry up, the smile & laughter need to return.
she would want it that way.