Friday, February 28, 2014

Girlfriend

I've called you many times this week in my mind.
I've needed you.
I've needed to ask you...
What should I do?
And what's funny is, I know you so well, I answered back for you. I know what you'd of said... What you would of told me to do.
I've heard your voice in my entry way laughing with Billy while you waited for me to come out to go to dinner.
I've seen your face when I walked into a restaurant to meet you for lunch...You were sitting in a booth. You'd smile so big when you'd see me. Of course you were on the phone. And when you got off, you'd tell me about the idiot at work or something funny Grace had just said. You were laughing THAT laugh the crazy one. The "I'm such a dumb-bunny-laugh".
....then we're 11ish...and I see you on the dirt hills with me playing truth or dare with the neighborhood boys. 
Then I saw you at 9 years old...We were poking our fingers with a needle until we really were bleeding & pressing them together so hard...so we could become "blood-sisters-for-life"
All this plays like an amazing film in my head. Like maybe it wasn't real. 
I see you on weeks like this, the hard weeks, the ones that I forget if I'm loved, I don't know if I'm a good Mom, friend, worker, business owner. The weeks where I think...is this part of my life ever going to  have a "silver-lining" a " happy ending"?
And then I hear you...
Oh...how I hear you. Laughing, telling me to be careful, telling me to not give a shit about what others think, telling me to make myself happy, to not stress so much. Don't have guilt for everything I've done wrong,that not everyone is going to like you, and who cares? Screw'em...or that that person came into your life for a reason....and not to over think things, just HAVE MORE FUN, girlfriend. We only live once...the list goes on
I hear you call me girlfriend.
I hear you say I love you forever. 
1 YEAR and TEN months now...it's still not real. How did you get out of this before me? No Fair.

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